I Just Can't Live A Lie
by jommyfreak
Summary: Sad TJ fic. Tommy breaks it off with Jude for a reason only he knows. Jude is unable to stop loving him no matter how he treats her. But will it be to late for them by the time Tommy realizes his mistake?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hello everyone! I come with another fic. I know that I probably shouldn't have started one but I just couldn't help myself. The plot came into my head and it wouldn't leave until something was done about it. So, I wrote the first chapter and I'm going to start working on the second one in a bit. But here is some background information first.

-This is an AU fic set about seven years in the future. Jude is 24 and Tommy is 30. The pair dated briefly and they had their own apartment together but Tommy ended it after a few months.  
-Jude didn't want to end their relationship but knew that it was soon coming to an end based on their behavior towards one another. She doesn't know what Tommy's reason was for breaking it off but all she knows is that she loves Tommy and wished things were different.  
-Each chapter will alternate between POV's. The first chapter is in Jude's POV then the second one will be in Tommy's.  
-The rest of the characters will filter into the story when needed but this story will be heavy on the Jommy.

Okay, with that said, here is the first chapter to 'I Just Can't Live A Lie.'

_We were sitting in our apartment when he dropped the bomb, "I think we should see other people." My coffee mug fell to the floor and shattered into tiny pieces mirroring my hearts actions. _

"W-What?" I stammered. My facial expression and my actions both showed that I was surprised but it was a facade. In truth, I knew that it would soon happen; we hadn't been on decent ground for a while now. Our music wasn't the same and a rift had risen between us. But I couldn't let him know that, so I kept up my false front and let him continue.

"I don't think this is going anywhere, Jude. I'm sorry."

Before I knew it, I was watching Tommy's back as he left our apartment. I may have known it was coming, but it still didn't stop the hurt or the pain I felt. It may have been over for him, but it wasn't over for me. I'd never be able to actually stop loving him, it's impossible. And I know he feels the same way, but for some reason he'd rather run from it than let it blossom.

I sat down at the nook in the kitchen and placed my head in my hands. Eventually, the tears escaped my eyes and sobs soon shook my body. Nothing, that's what I felt, nothing. And that's also what I heard. Almost instantaneously, the happy memories we shared flooded my thought's. All of the stolen kisses in the studio, the discreet hand holding underneath the conference table, every tender moment we cuddled up on the couch to a night time movie and every dream I had of him replayed themselves in my head until they knocked me into a slumber at the nook.

"Jude?"

I knew it was him calling my name, there's no denying who that voice belongs to.

"Jude, are you still here?"

I looked up at him with puffy eyes and watched as his face saddened briefly before turning rock solid again. "If you're finished sulking then I think you should get into that booth and record."

I shook my head in disbelief at his tone; emotionless and stern. Never has Tommy used that tone with me, not once. Yes, he would grow angry at me for screwing up a line in a song but he would never yell at me or put me down. Why the sudden change?

Ever since the break-up one week ago today, nothing but hurtful words and harsh tones are all that we exchange.

I wiped my eyes and stood up from my chair. I gave him one last disbelieving look before opening the door to the sound booth. I found my stool set up in the middle of the room and took my seat, journal in tow. I placed it on the stand and waited for the music to fill the headphones before starting my song. Hopefully, it will tell Mr. Quincy that I'm not screwing around anymore. Hopefully, it will show him how much I could never stop loving him, no matter how much of an ass he tries to be, it won't happen. I opened my mouth and the song soon followed...

_Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you  
And maybe turning my back would be that much easier  
Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange  
But I can't watch you walk away_

I couldn't look at him while I sang, as much as I wanted to I couldn't. I couldn't watch him look at me with hurtful eyes.

As I started the next verse, I choked on a sob. Unfortunately, I hadn't sucked it up as well as I thought. The music stopped playing in my headphones and instead Tommy's voice replaced them.

"Care to explain what that was?"

"No," I replied rather harshly. I still hadn't summed up the courage to look at him, it was impossible at this point.

"Then go home. If you can't give your work all of your focus then go home, we'll pick this up again tomorrow."

I sniffed slightly and removed my headphones from my ears before placing them back on the stand. I retrieved my journal and slowly walked out of the booth and into the main part of the studio. As I gathered my belongings, I felt Tommy's eyes on me but I kept my back to him. If he wasn't going to be nice and pleasant with me, then I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of watching me cry over him again.

Once my trusty backpack was loaded up, I scurried out of the studio and ran the rest of the way out of G Major with just one thought on my mind...**What the hell happend?**

**A/N2:** So, what do you think of it so far? Like it? Love it? Totally suck?


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to those of you who have replied, it means a lot to me that you guys like my writing. Here is chapter two and this one is in Tommy's POV. For the third chapter I'm thinking of writing it in both Jude and Tommy's POV's but I'm still working on it.

But on a personal level, I'm in the process of moving and I think we are going to the new house in about a week and a half so I'm not sure when I'll be able to update this again. Hopefully I'll be able to get chapter three up for you but after that I won't be updating for quite some time. I'll try my best to get on the computer as much as I can but I don't foresee my computer time being frequent. But who knows, maybe I'll get my own computer and I can use it whenever I want. Atleast that's what I'm pulling for.

Anywho, here is chapter two for this story. I also have one completed story up on this site entitled 'Dreaming of You' in case any of you want to read it...

Once I heard the door to the studio slam I felt my heart sink. I really screwed up this time. No matter how much I try, I always seem to hurt her. I started to rub my temples in hopes that it was cease this huge migrane but unfortunately it was no luck. The pounding was loud and constant, I could feel the pressure in my fingertips.

I sighed heavily and then stood up from my chair. Of course, I started to think about her, I always think about her. More so because we're no longer together, again, my fault. Strike two for Tommy. The more I think about my reason for bailing the more I realize how much of a coward I am. It may be a family related reason but my cowardness still shown through and I fled, just like he did. And now I'm becoming the exact same thing my mother always told me I would: my father.

Suddenly, the door to the studio swung open and Kwest walked in. Usually I'd be happy to see my friend but today I'm not. For today he comes to discuss the reason why Jude ran out of here. And I'll have to tell him what he already knows: a stupid idiot made her cry...again and basically in nicer words, told her to get out of my face. When I think about it, I realize that I didn't and I don't want her out of my face. I would love to have her in my face, yelling and screaming at me right now because that's the only type of communication we've had lately. And that's something that I would die for right now. I know I broke her heart for the billionth time since I've known her but I'd much rather enjoy her screaming at me than having no contact with me at all.

Kwest, not to be forgotten about, cleared his throat and made me stop thinking about how much of a jackass I have been. "Can I help you?" Great, now I'm talking to him almost as shitty as I have Jude.

"Excuse you? I came in here because I thought you'd might like to talk about what just happend. I came in here because I'm your friend so don't give me an attitude Tom because I'll walk back out and let you sulk for the rest of the day, I really don't care anymore." Alas, the rough-edged Kwest you rarely ever see but grow to love when you do has made an appearance. This may not make much sense but I like it when Kwest is angry, he gives the best advice when hes pissed.

I sighed once again and waved my hand, ushering him inside. He shut the door and stood in front of me. "Now, would you like to talk like men or would you rather belly-ache like a woman and cry about how bad you screwed up this time?"

Without thinking, I let out the thought I didn't intend on telling him. "I don't believe I actually did it; I don't believe I actually broke it off with her." I didn't look at him as I confessed this. I couldn't let him know that I didn't mean to say what I did. So instead, I stared at a small coffee stain on the carpet, a stain that Jude had made when I tried to grab for her coffee one morning.

_"Tommy!" she squealed as I plopped down on the couch beside her. She leaned slightly as the couch dipped due to my added weight. She knew my intention was to grab for her coffee and that's why she tried to stand up; but I wasn't going to let her. _

"Come'ere," I said as I grabbed her waist and pulled her onto my lap. It was then she dropped her coffee mug and spilled the remaining contents onto the gray colored carpet.

"Look at what you did!" She pretended to be afraid of the consequences for spilling the coffee but the smile on her face said otherwise. I scooped her into my arms like you would a baby and stood from the couch, spinning her around in the air before plopping back down onto the couch. I looked down at her happy face and couldn't fight the urge to kiss her. My face turned soft, as did hers, and I placed a loving kiss onto her lips.

I subconsiously started to bring my hand to my lips as I could still feel her plump beauties on mine, but Kwest smacking my hand out of the way brought me back to reality.

"Hey! What the hell was that for?"

"I came in here to help you, not to watch you float in and out of memories." He shook his head and took a seat in one of the three swivel chairs. He looked up at me signaling that he wanted me to copy his actions. So, I kicked myself off of the wall and sat down next to him. I noticed the third chair was empty; it was Jude's chair. Almost immediately after realizing who the chair belonged too, I was about to fall into an ocean of memories, just involving us in our chairs. But Kwest was there to stop me.

"So, tell me Tom, exactly how bad do you feel right now?"

"On a scale of one to ten...twenty." I sighed for the third time since Jude's departure and continued. "The more I think about my reason for breaking up with her, the more I realize how much of a coward I am."

"I could've told you that one."

"Kwest!" I snapped. I honestly didn't mean to yell at him but that burst of anger just struck me at the wrong time. "Stop it okay? I know I screwed up so I don't need you to remind me of the fact."

All fell silent in the studio for a few moments before Kwest started his interrogation again.

"So, what made you do it this time?"

I thought about how to respond to that. I could go with either **a:** telling him the truth or **b**: telling him the answer he was expecting. After a short deliberation period, I went with my first instinct.

"I fell too hard and too quick for Jude. Once the slightest bit of fear crept in, I bailed not wanting to try and get past it." I made sure my voice was soft and my expressions sad in order to try and convince him that was the truth.

But just like always, he knew it was a lie. "Now that you have that lie out of your system, care to tell me the truth?" Damn it! I could've sworn I sounded completely sincere.

"That is the truth." I lied, but before he had the chance to challenge me on it, I continued with the partial truth. "I knew that if I stayed with Jude, things would turn out exactly how I wanted it. I knew that we would get married and start a family but the problem was that I couldn't start a family with someone when my own family was falling apart."

Kwest stared at me a moment not quite sure what to make of my statement. I didn't know what he was going to say next but I was bracing myself for the worst.

"Tom, you and I both know your family has been falling apart for years now so why worry so much about the outcome now when you haven't worried in almost fifteen years?"

I knew he was going to come back at me with that. That's one of the major problems with having childhood friends, they know you inside and out so there is no escaping your problems when your closest friends know about them.

I opened my mouth to reply but I wouldn't let the truth escape me. "I can't tell you Kwest. Atleast not right now." He shook his head in response and I left him with one final comment. "If and when I do decide to tell anyone the truth, Jude will be first. She deserves that much." I stood from my chair and exited the studio quickly before Kwest would have the chance to stop me.

As I made my way to my car, one thought crossed my mind. I know that I love Jude and I know that she loves me. But me breaking it off is so much easier than it is to make her get involved with the messy life I lead. She doesn't know this but I did this for her...atleast thats what I keep telling myself.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Because you guys commented like crazy, I figured I'd be nice and give you two chapters in one day. So, here is chapter three. See what happens when I'm happy?

After I fumbled with the keys to my front door, I finally found it. I plowed through the door and dropped my belongings once I entered, not caring where or how they landed. I stumbled over to the nook like a drunk; Tommy. I couldn't focus because my thought's were swirling around him. He always seems to squirm his way into my thought process.

I was about to get ready for a shower but a knock on my door stopped me from doing so. I shuffled over towards the wooden contraption and slowly swung it open, partially afraid as to what was behind it. I felt relief wash over me as I noticed a delivery boy with a few pimples on his cheeks behind the door instead of who I originally thought it was.

"Um, Mrs. Harrison?" The boy called me Mrs. Well, normally I wouldn't care what he called me but today is different. You see, I would be called Mrs. Something else had a special someone not screwed up what we had. But I couldn't go off on the poor boy, he was just doing his job.

"Yes, that's me." Just then he pulled an average sized bouquet of assorted flowers from behind his back and extended his arm towards me.

"These are for you."

I smiled in response and took the flowers from the young teen and said a quick thank you to him before shutting the door. I peered through the lillies and daisies in search for a card but I couldn't find one. So, I shrugged my shoulders and walked over to the cupboards in search for a vase. After finding one, I filled it half way with water and placed the bouquet in the vase. I then placed the vase in the center of the nook before retreating to my room to gather my clothes for a well deserved shower.

As I walked into my bedroom I took note of my bed spread, lavender. It was the color Tommy had picked out for the room once we decided on taking this apartment. I was quite shocked to hear that a guy would live in a lavender colored space but he said it was only because it was what I liked. **Note to self: change room colors.** I shook my head in an effort to rid my mind of the memories fighting to be relived.

Instead of reliving the past, I walked over to my bureau and pulled out an over-sized t-shirt and a pair of underwear before heading into the bathroom. Once inside, I debated on whether to take a shower or treat myself to a nice bath. After considering the day I had, I went with option two. Nothing clears a womans mind better than a nice relaxing bath.

It took me a few minutes to get the bath water to a nice warm temperature and the bubbles to cover the length and width of the tub. I quickly stripped myself from my clothing and slipped into the welcoming treat. As soon as I started to fully relax and enjoy my bath time, the memories that tried to break through a few minutes ago finally broke free and covered my mind.

_"Tommy?" I walked into our apartment after a long day at work and Tommy wasn't at the nook waiting for me like he usually was. _

"Tommy?" I called his name again and I heard his soft voice.

"I'm over here." I followed the sound of his voice until I finally found him. He was crouched over the bathtub drawing a bath for me.

"What are you doing?" It was quite obvious what he was doing but for some reason I needed to ask.

"I thought you'd like to relax. I know Darius is driving you into the ground waiting for a new song and I know it's stressful. So this is to help you relax and de-stress yourself from today." He started to take slow strides towards me but I met him half way so that wait wasn't that long. Once we reached each other, he slid his arms around my waist and mine found a home around his neck. He leaned down and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips before pulling away.

"I don't want to ruin your relaxation process." I frowned slightly but Tommy made a smile re-appear on my face. "Call me when your through, maybe I'll help you get dressed." He gave me a mischievious smile and then left me alone to take my bath.

I squeezed my eyes tight, willing my memory of us as a happy couple away...it didn't work.

_I heard a soft knock on the door before replying, "Come in," softly. Tommy had come in with two large towels. _

"Are you through?" he asked me sweetly.

"What makes you think I want to get out already?" I knew he knew the answer but my asking always helped with the friendly banter between us.

"Because, you don't like to stay in the tub for more than ten minutes for the fear of coming out all 'pruney,' as you put it." I matched his smile with one of my own before standing up inside the tub. Tommy, being the gentleman that he was, at the time anyway, lightly shut his eyes and held the towel out within the span of his arms. It wasn't until he felt my body against his that he opened his eyes before wrapping the towel around my body. He tied the towel in a loose knot so it would stay up around my body. He then took the second towel and began to dry my hair for me.

"It's tmes like these that I'll cherish the most," he whispered. I felt my heart flutter with hope for the future at his statement. I had never felt more content in my entire life than I did at that moment.

Once Tommy was certain my hair was only damp instead of sopping wet, he dropped the second towel from his grasp and brought his hands to my waist. His forehead rested on mine for a brief moment before he admitted his feelings to me for the first time since becoming a couple.

"I love you, Jude." My eye fluttered open showing off my newly formed unshed tears, brimming on my lids. It was then that he gently kissed the space beneath my eyes, waiting to catch my tears on his lips. I shut my eyes again, allowing the tears to finally fall.

"I love you, too." I felt Tommy's lips curve into a smile on my face before he placed his lips on mine for a passionate and gentle kiss.

My sniffles brought me back to reality. I wiped away the unshed tears from my eyes and stood from the tub. I drained the water from the tub and reached for a towel so I could dry off.

It only took me about a minute to dry up and get changed into my pajamas before re-entering my bedroom. I didn't care that it was only seven-thirty at night but I was going to bed. I crawled into my full sized bed and curled up beneath the blanket. Eventhough Tommy and I have been over for a week, I still sleep in the same position I always did. I laid on my side facing the empty space on my bed that was once filled by him.

I missed him immensly and it was only then, at the moment I realized I was going to sleep alone again, that I had come to one conclusion. Tommy was gone and it was time for me to stop dwelling on the memories we shared and get over it. It was time for me to start standing on my own two feet for once and stop relying on Tommy to be my rock. **It was time for me to get over Tom Quincy...**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry for the lack of updating. I had every intention on updating this before but I realized all of the spoilers I had were listed on the DLS site which was down for a few days so I couldn't access them. But whatever, I have the update and that's all that really matters. Also, this is in both Tommy and Jude's POV but I couldn't break the page or put a symbol in to show you where it switches. The page break thing is broken or something. But you'll be able to figure it out. **

**Again, I am currently without a beta so please disregard my spelling errors. I just wanted to thank all of you who have commented. I greatly appreciate it.**

**8:03**

After looking at the disgraceful time on my alarm clock I rolled back over in my bed. I couldn't believe that it was only eight o'clock at night and I was already in bed. If this were a week ago, me and her would be watching a movie in the living room of our apartment. But no, I had to go and screw up the best thing that had ever happend to me. And look where it got me, in a little studio apartment in the, how did Kwest word it, oh, 'ghetto' of Toronto. I never thought there really was a 'ghetto' in Toronto but now I'm living in it.

It's not like I can't afford a nice apartment because I can. But why spend all that money on a nice place when it's just you whose going to be able to enjoy it?

Pathetic. That's what I am; I am a pathetic excuse for a man. Men are supposed to be able to provide for their better halfs and be the comfort for their women when they are in need. But no, in this case, I have become the woman. I am the one who freaked out when things became to rough with my own family. Instead, Jude became the man of the relationship and stuck it out. She was my shoulder to cry on if I ever wanted to use it; she was my comfort. I rolled back over and looked at my alarm once again.

**8:04**

That's it? It's only been one minute? Something is seriously wrong with this picture. Oh, I know what it is. **Jude. **Jude is the one that's missing from this picture. If she were beside me right now, I can guarantee you that I wouldn't be looking at the clock every thirty seconds. No. Instead, I'd be lying here with Jude in my arms while I whisper sweet nothings into her ear. I'd be pushing a strand of her wavy blonde hair behind her ear and kissing the spot on her face that it revealed. But no, the reality of the situation is I'm here all alone in a big empty bed with nothing but the sheet occupying the space next to me.

But now that I'm lying here all alone, I realize the extent of what I actually feel for her. It's just too bad this realization came too late. If only I were the bigger person in the situation; if only I stood up to him and told him to go and leave me alone, then this wouldn't be happening right now. I wouldn't be alone and restless and Jude wouldn't be on the other side of the city.

I finally grew to restless to even try to sleep so I sat up in my bed. I debated on whether or not to look at the clock again. Screw it.

**8:06**

Sweet! A new record. It's been TWO minutes this time. I rubbed my face with my hands to try and wake myself up some. There was no way I was going to get some sleep unless I actually talked to Jude. And I mean really talk to her like a civalized human being. So, I did the one thing that actually came to mind. I threw on an old t-shirt and my slippers before grabbing my keys and leaving the apartment all together.

**8:05**

This is completely insane. I've been trying to get some sort of sleep for a little over a half an hour and nothing. I am completely restless with a thousand things on my mind. Too bad nobody can help me.

The more I think about what happend today at work the more I grow aggravated with the situation. I mean, Tommy and I have always been able to talk to each other about anything and everything. So why the sudden change? I love Tommy, I always will. I just don't understand why he's acting like this. Even Kwest is fed up. He told me earlier today that Tommy was giving him an attitude earlier this morning at work and that sounded odd to me. Kwest and Tommy had been friends for almost fifteen years and the pair never fought, unless it was over a girl or a basketball game. But that's what guys do. They make petty fights with each other and its over before you know it. I just wish mine and Tommy's disagreement could be like that.

**8:07**

I give up on sleep. I throw my covers off and climb out of my empty bed before trudging my way into the kitchen. I open the fridge and nothing I find seems to interest me. So I go for option number two, the freezer. There has to be some Ben & Jerry's in there somewhere. I open it up and find nothing. Then it dawns on me; I ate the last of B & J the other night after Tommy broke up with me.

As I searched around the freezer I found one lonely popsicle in the back of the freezer. Lord knows how long its been in there but I don't even care. No Ben & Jerry's so this fruity little treat will have to do.

I unwrapped the popsicle and started towards the living room. If sleeping is out of the question, then it looks like it's time for The Golden Girls. That Sophia is one hell of a character. I plopped myself down on the couch and listen intently as Sophia reflects on her life in Sicily however many years ago; I didn't catch the year. A laugh escapes my mouth and I was struck. I don't remember the last time I've actually had a genuine emotion in my body. All of the recent ones have been morbid and boring. But this one was funny and exciting. I like that Sophia.

Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. Who the hell would be coming for a visit at eight-fifteen at night? Holy crap I sound like an old lady. Like I should be passed out before the street lights come on. I shake my head trying to make the images of my future disappear and I stand up from my couch.

Once I made it to the door, I didn't even bother to look through the peep hole, I just swung that thing open. Oh shit, I don't believe he's actually standing in front of me. Now would be the comedic time for me to slap myself on the forehead for making such a stupid move. There I was actually starting to enjoy my lonliness but then he had to show up. But that's when it hit me, I was going to have to face the thoughts that have been encircling my mind for the past fourty-five minutes...


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Sorry for the long delay in my post. Everything has been pretty crazy this past month. But I'm back and hopefully I'll be able to update this regularly. Here is the new chapter. I'm not too happy about this but whatever, it's written and that's all that matters.

_Once I made it to the door, I didn't even bother to look through the peep hole, I just swung that thing open. Oh shit, I don't believe he's actually standing in front of me. Now would be the comedic time for me to slap myself on the forehead for making such a stupid move. There I was actually starting to enjoy my lonliness but then he had to show up. But that's when it hit me, I was going to have to face the thoughts that have been encircling my mind for the past fourty-five minutes..._

"Hi," he whispered without looking at me. It's a good thing he wasn't looking at me because if he was, I would've unleashed my emotions and turned into a ravage beast. But because he looks afraid, I'll be nice. Well, maybe.

"Can I help you?" I study him a moment. He has his hands positioned in front of him and he is looking down at them while he spins his thumbs around each other. I can tell his brow is knitted in thought due to the wrinkles in his forehead.

That's how you know you love some one when you can tell how they are feeling or what they are thinking based on a facial characteristic. But unfortunately for me, the love I have for him isn't mirrored for me in his emotions.

I stared at Tommy a little longer until I couldn't take the silence. Against my better judgement, I asked, "Would you like to come in?" He looked up at me and a small smile appeared on his handsome features. I tried my hardest not to smile as I stepped aside and allowed him entrance. Once he was inside, I shut the door behind him.

"I see Sophia is lifting your spirits." Tommy turned to look at me after noticing my favorite television show plastered across the screen.

"Somebody has to," I replied smugly. I cought him wincing slightly at my response and a sudden wave of guilt washed over me. I know I shouldn't feel guilty for the current situation but I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Tommy. He was obviously hurt enough as it was and I didn't ease the mood any.

"Jude." He breathed out my name and for the first time since his arrival eye contact was made. It was only then I noticed his true demeanor. Aside from his pajama's, Tommy's eyes were red and blood-shot. I could tell he hadn't slept in a while and it was evident that sleep was the farthest thing from his mind. His unshaven face dishevled hair was the final straw for Tommy.

"Sorry," I replied. My comment really wasn't uncalled for but my apology lightened up the mood a bit. "So, what brings you over here? Did you want to talk?" _Please say yes, please say yes. _

"You know I can't, Jude. As much as I want to I just...can't." I tore my gaze away from him and sucked in my lower lip before biting down on it, willing the tears to not fill my eyes. I hoped they wouldn't become obvious to him. I sniffled quickly and returned my gaze to him. "Then what did you come here for?"

Tommy shifted his weight from his right foot to his left a few times before taking a few steps in my direction. I guess it was to see if I was going to move but I didn't. I knew what his intention was and as much as I wanted to be the stronger one, I couldn't. I had to let myself feel what his body gave me.

So as he continued to move toward me, I took one step towards him until we met toe to toe. His hands found a place on my waist and one of my hands found a home over his heart while the other one found it's place on his cheek. I could feel his heart beat quicken at the sudden contact and I couldn't help myself from smiling. No matter how mad I got at him, no matter how upset he made me, I always continued to love him. That's probably why this seemed to be so easy for me; why I let our embrace last.

Tommy looked down at me with a penetrating gaze. He stared into my eyes for a few moments until his gaze fell soft and he slowly moved his face towards mine. It felt like an eternity until our cheeks finally came into contact with the other one. I loved the way his five-o'clock shadow tickled my face. I loved the way each breath of his sent goosebumps down my spine. I **loved** him. But most importantly, I loved the way he made me feel.

"I miss you." My breath hitched in my throat as his words were spoken and understood. He had come all that way to tell me he missed me when he could've just called me. He had come all that way just to see me. That had a meaning just like when he followed his words with a kiss on my cheek. My eyes fluttered close as my body fell limp against his. I wanted his strength to keep my body strong.

Although his efforts were sweet and loving, I had to force my own heart to break and push him away. I dropped my hands from his body and took a small step back to my previous position. "I-I'm sorry, Tommy." I managed to stammer my way through that sentence and onto the next one. "I can't do this if you won't be honest with me."

I watched as Tommy looked up at me disbelieving and slowly retreated out my front door, closing it behind him. To him, he was just shutting the door to my apartment. But to me, he shut the door on all hope of truth I thought we were going to share. It was obvious to me that he's not willing to share his problems with me so that means I need to shut the door on him...


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Things are pretty crazy around here. Tons of projects and papers to write so I sort of got side tracked. Here is an update. It isn't much but it's still something.

* * *

I got back to my apartment last night shortly after I left Jude's house. The entire way home all I thought about was her and how much I miss her. I don't think my mind ever strayed from her.

Now I sit alone in the studio waiting for my artist to show up. I don't know when she's coming or even if she's going to show. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't; after all, it is my fault. But if she doesn't show, then that will give me some more time to figure out how I'm going to tell her what is going on with me.

After I got home last night, I laid in my bed for a short time just contemplating how I'd tell her about my current family problem. I know that if I tell her she'll be there for me and hopefully she'd understand why I did what I did. But sometimes you just never know what kinds of affects your actions will have on people.

As I started to divulge my thoughts into my problems, I heard the jiggling of the doorknob. I removed my gaze from my twiddling thumbs and to the door. My heartbeat quickened at the thought of Jude being behind the door. But as it swung open I realized it was only Kwest.

"Hey man. Whoa." My guess is that he noticed the dark circles under my eyes but I don't care. "Rough night?"

"To say the least." I paused a moment debating on whether or not to ask him my next question but I did so anyways. "Have you seen Jude?" I watched as his eyes lit up and he pieced together the little bit of information he had already.

"No, not yet." He studied me a moment, looking at my expression to his reply. "Did something else happen between you two?"

I waited a few moment before answering him. Not just because I was thinking about whether or not to answer him, but for dramatic purposes as well. Finally, I decided he had waited long enough for an answer so I spoke. "I went to see her last night." His eyes got big at my reply and that was when he finally walked through the door and took a seat next to me.

"And what happened?"

"Oh, you know, the usual." I tried my best to avoid giving him the right answer but Kwest is like a freakin' machine when he wants answers. He'll poke you and give you the death stare if it's necessary sometimes. "Fine." I caved. I couldn't take his stare any longer.

I told Kwest what had happened between Jude and me last night and I gave him a moment to digest the information.

"Wow."

"Yup." The two of us sat in complete silence for a moment until we heard the jiggling of the handle again. And that's when Jude walked through the door…


End file.
